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For decades, fans have been obsessed with Ben Affleck’s dating life. For a few years, he was with Jennifer Lopez — and now he is again, and we love that. But the first time that didn’t work out, he started dating Jennifer Garner, who he worked with on two movies — Pearl Harbor in 2001, and Daredevil in 2003. That same year, they appeared on the series Dinner for Five together, and seemed to have some chemistry — but neither of them were single. That is, until March 2003.

That was when Jennifer Garner announced her split from husband Scott Foley. At the time, they swore that nobody else was involved. In fact, it may have been because they were on two different career paths. “Jennifer became a huge celebrity. She became a huge star, and she deserved everything she got,” Scott said, according to Entertainment Weekly. “There was no other relationship, there was no infidelity, nothing. People get divorced, you know?”

It still took some time for Jennifer and Ben to find each other. But when they did, the relationship moved quickly. The couple got married in 2005, just two months after Ben proposed. But sadly, it wasn’t happily ever after for these two. After having three children and keeping up appearances, cracks were revealed in the relationship, and eventually the two split up. That said, they still waited for some time to officially divorce. Even though the decision wasn’t made in haste, it seems as if Ben regrets that decision.

Fast forwarding to August 2011, the couple had announced that Jennifer was pregnant with their third child — this time, a boy. Samuel Garner Affleck was born in February 2012, and joined sisters Violet and Seraphina. Things still seemed steady for a few years. In 2015, Ben referred to his wife as the most important person to him in an interview with Playboy.

“Getting to know her, falling in love with her and being connected with her gave me a foundation to reach out and say, ‘OK, I’m going to do Hollywoodland. I’m going to direct Gone Baby Gone,’” he said. “Those were the steps forward I needed to put positive stuff on the board.” According to Ben, Jennifer gave him a stable home life while he was able to reach his career goals.

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But eventually, something must have soured. In 2015, Ben reportedly took their family nanny, Christine Ouzounian, on a trip to Las Vegas. It might make sense if his children went, too, but that didn’t seem to be the case. But the news revealed that Jennifer and Ben were in the process of separating. Days after the story broke, they officially announced they were getting divorced. So, what happened?

Jennifer opened up about it to Vanity Fair. “We had been separated for months before I ever heard about the nanny. She had nothing to do with our decision to divorce. She was not a part of the equation,” she clarified. “Bad judgment? Yes. It’s not great for your kids for [a nanny] to disappear from their lives.” The headlines lead to a few chats with her kids about the scandal, which must have been extremely tough.

She admitted that it was even more difficult to see the news plastered all over television. “I turned on CNN one day and there we were,” she said. “I just won’t do it anymore. I took a silent oath with myself last summer to really stay offline. I am totally clueless about all of it.” She vowed that her goal was to move forward with the kids, which is one of the healthiest moves she could have made given the situation she was in.

The two took some time to process things together, even temporarily calling off the divorce. In the meantime, Ben tried to better himself by getting treated for alcohol addiction. But, in April 2017, they realized they still couldn’t make it work. In 2018, Ben had another stint in rehab, and even opened up about the experience on Instagram.

The two are still friendly for the kids, but Ben seems to be regretful over what happened. A few years back he chatted with The New York Times to help promote his latest movie, The Way Back, he admitted that he ended up drinking more whenever he and Jennifer were having marital issues. He said that it was all part of his compulsive disorder.

“People with compulsive behavior, and I am one, have this kind of basic discomfort all the time that they’re trying to make go away,” he said. “You’re trying to make yourself feel better with eating or drinking or sex or gambling or shopping or whatever. But that ends up making your life worse. Then you do more of it to make that discomfort go away. Then the real pain starts. It becomes a vicious cycle you can’t break. That’s at least what happened to me.”

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Since he drank whenever he was fighting with Jennifer, his drinking suddenly became problematic. Drinking as a way of coping will only create more issues down the road, which Ben admitted to. He said most of the problems happened between 2015 and 2016. Seeing it broadcast in the news likely also made things worse.

“The biggest regret of my life is this divorce,” he continued. “Shame is really toxic. There is no positive byproduct of shame. It’s just stewing in a toxic, hideous feeling of low self-worth and self-loathing.” That said, it seems as if he’s got a healthy way to process everything that’s happened. “I have certainly done things that I regret,” he admitted. “But you’ve got to pick yourself up, learn from it, learn some more, try to move forward.”

His 2020 film, ‘The Way Back’ also focused on alcoholism and the relationships it can destroy. Filming was likely pretty personal for Ben, who lived out a similar scenario just years before. After years of negative press, it might be the film he needs to get back into the spotlight and prove to the world that he’s a changed person.

As for Jennifer, she handled the split like a true professional. Even in 2018, she made sure to separate Ben as a partner from Ben as a father, and gave him quite a lovely Father’s Day tribute on Instagram. She captioned it, “Our kids are lucky to have a dad who looks at them the way you look at them and loves them the way you love them, @benaffleck. #happyfathersday #threeluckykids #haveagreatday.”

She’s also been quick to defend her happiness. In 2017, People reportedly tried to run a cover story about Jennifer’s new life as a single mom. She, reportedly, didn’t give authorization for the article to be published. “This isn’t a tragedy by any measure, but it does affect me and my family and so, before my mom’s garden club lights up her phone, I wanted to set the record straight,” she said on Facebook. “I did not pose for this cover. I did not participate in or authorize this article. While we are here, for what it’s worth: I have three wonderful kids and my family is complete.”

While Ben regrets the divorce, and his part in the divorce, it’s important to focus on the fact that both of them are handling this beautifully. Without a doubt, they both love their kids and are working as a team to raise them. And they have yet to say anything negative about each other in the press. It just shows how focused and mature they both truly are, especially since when you’re living your life in the spotlight, it’s easy to crack under the pressure.